some people, enjoyss accusing me.
okay. not some. maybe 1 or 2.
i dont get it.
ive just lost my grandad n here u are accusing me for no reason. saying this n that.
for heavens sake, stop yr imagination will ya?
i think for now, my friends are the only ones who cud really understand me. i think all of them do understand what im facing u noe. i didnt even told my family members bout all this shits. well, sometimes, we tend not to realise our mistakes even me myself.
i talk like a jet sometimes n i dont really think b4 i speak. but u shud noe me by now. those words are out of anger bcz of yr own actions. tak kan lah without any reasons i want to marah2, gado2 rite? of cz ade puncanye. betol tak?
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kemarahan itu tidak datang dengan secare tibe2. ade puncenya. ADE PUNCENYA..
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SO STOP BLAMMING ME PEOPLE. bukanlah nak kate saye ni tak de salah. ade salahnye jugak.
i think this matter is getting from bad to worst.
seriously speaking. ive got no time to entertain all these for now. lebih baek aku doakan untok arwh datokku betol tak? lebih faedah. my atok's death really opened my eyes. whatever the ustaz said yesterday. whatever the ustaz recite, really hit me on my head.
mum, nenek n i discussed bout seksaan alam kubur. n i got very scared u noe coz, i admit, i haven been really doing my duties yang disuruh oleh allah s.w.t. n after hearing all those things from the uztaz yesterday, i want to change into someone better. really. sometimes, bile kite dah kehilangan sesuatu atau seseorang, baru kite akan sedar. btol tak?
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i really hope, i cud be a better person soon.
i really2 do. in fact. thats what arwah atok wants all of his children n grandchildren, in fact, all of his keturunan to be.
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atok, we'll kabulkan yr permintaan tok. dont worry atok.
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semoga rohmu dicucuri rahmat. dan ya-allah, ampunlah dosa2 datukku ya allah. kami semue mohon kepadamu ya allah.
u noe what, im staying at his place rite now which is at my uncles house. feels like somethings missing u noe. i miss atok soooo sooo much already. im tearing deep down inside just that i cudnt let it out since i dont want him to c me crying. atok, ill always love u. ure the best atok, really.
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as the first cucu of the family, atok has given me his full attention since the first day i was born. i used to lawan hidong with him since i was a kid till around sec 2 or 3? yeap. n i will ALWAYS GET FREE ICE-CREAM everytime i went to his place. he will either suprise me with two ice-creams or he'll give me some cash to buy snacks. haha. the moment i salam him, we'll lawan hidong. n by the time i salam my nenek, he will get himself ready, n off he went to the nearby shop to get me ice-cream or snacks. he loves me alot, he really do. in fact, everyone loves me.
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so please people, im tearing deep down inside, n i dont need u people to hurt me lagik tau.
thank u.
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he's my only atok left, my atok sblah bapak left his fam even b4 my parents got married. i didnt even get a chance to see him u noe. gosh. now my only atok left us. seeing him kene kapan n all those. seeing his body getting buried live just hurtss so so much.
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b4 the uztaz covered his face with kain kapan yesterday, we managed to see him the very last time. i sat just beside him. we took turns to tabo pacai, den gave him the very last kiss on his cold cheek. that was the most sad thing which happened in my whole life. b4 the ceremony starts n wen i first reached pak longs place, i saw him lying on the bed with his body covered with kain batik. but i can still see his hair. i cried my whole heart out u noe. i started reciting al-fatihahs n all other surahs. i even sedekahkan yassin. i noe atok was there by our side, looking at us because i cud feel his presence. really.
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i want to thank dear FATIN n SYAIRAH.
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FATIN texted me at 3am in the morning saying that she read my blog and all.
i was really touched by her msg that i teared for a while
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n i just received a msg from SYAIRAH dearest.
her msg did touched my heart too.
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thanx u two.
n to the rest whom tagged/texted me. thank u soo much u guys.
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im trying my very very best to stay strong. thank u all.
thank you for your support. :D
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U, LOVE.
